Cotton Candy Is the Best Vegan Dessert

I think we can all pretty much agree that cotton candy is the best thing ever. So why is it eaten so infrequently?

Um, I don’t know. Maybe because people hate delicious things?

I think maybe there is a conspiracy in the Western world. The folks who sell cotton candy at zoos and circuses don’t want you to know that home-consumption cotton candy machines sell for as low as $40, and are easy to use. They want a monopoly on beautiful, magical spun sugar.

Whenever I pop out the cotton candy machine, people look at me askance. “You’re going to eat pure sugar?” their eyes say, accusing. To which I respond: heck yeah, I’m going to eat pure sugar!

Think about it: if you have ever drank an entire 12 ounce can of Coke or Pepsi, then  you have mindlessly consumed 39 to 41 grams of sugar, which is about 9 teaspoons. One teaspoon of sugar makes this much cotton candy:

So when you think of cotton candy, don’t think “eugh, pure sugar.” Instead, do what I do and think, “this is only a ninth of a can of Coke!”

The other advantage, for vegans, is that cotton candy is like insta-dessert. It can be frustrating to find dark chocolate that is truly vegan, and ditto for pre-made baked goods. Once you acquire a cotton candy machine, the entire process takes 15 minutes from beginning to end. The steps are so simple, even a child could do it. Step one, put a teaspoon of sugar into the center of the machine. Step two, wait 5 to 10 minutes for the machine to warm up. Step three, magic happens. The machine condenses the sugar into strands of gossamer fibers all on its own, and you need only take a rolled up piece of paper and scoop out the sugar. It might SEEM a bit unhealthy at first, but let’s be honest: if you made dessert, you would probably put a teaspoon of sugar in it anyway. This is just cutting out the middle man, removing the flour and soy milk and flavoring and going straight for the sugar.

To that end, I suggest that every vegan purchase a Robeson Party Time machine for use at home. Cotton candy: for days when taking an hour to make cookies just doesn’t cut it.

This entry was posted in Dessert, Rants and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Cotton Candy Is the Best Vegan Dessert

  1. All you need is a handful of edible glitter thrown in and – magical sparkling spun sugar! Great post, very bemused! 🙂

  2. PM says:

    Ooooohhhhh….and you could make this….

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